Fontana 13.1: I'm a Logistical Fool / My Vendetta Against Lululemon

Hey!  I've been delaying writing this report because I can't put my finger on the disappointment I feel in myself.
You're gonna kill me for saying that because I ran a 1:33:15*.  

BIG ASTERISK!  I just spent 2 minutes trying to figure out how to spell "asterisk"!  Who knew?  =)


Before you bring me the olive wreath of victory, remember this race had a 2000 ft drop.  I had no idea how powerful that was...but believe me it's huge.  It's like I was golfing and got a 6 minute handicap.  


Whew.  Now that we've gotten that out of the way I'll do the recap.  It'll be funny, I swear.  

4 AM happiness and beauty

My alarm went off at 4:00 AM and I looked at my phone alarm with pure anger.  I remember waking up at like 3:30 AM and thinking I'd get some water to drink (I'm kind of an insomniac) and realizing with horror my wakeup time was a half hour from then!

Anyways.

I put the race address into my phone, was pleasantly surprised that Fontana wasn't as far as I thought it was, and took off.  I got to my exit off I-10 and had a few extra minutes so I went to use the bathroom in McDonald's right by the race to avoid any race crowds.  As I got back into my car I thought...wait a second...something isn't right....where is everyone....


I look back in my phone and realize that I've driven to the wrong town.  I accidentally drove to Upland...the iphone directed me to a similar address.  Fontana is 16 miles down the road.  I had like 10 minutes left in packet pickup.

Fun fact.  These towns are close to Chino.  Where Ryan from the O.C. was from.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, please ignore and don't 'un-friend'.  







I got to packet pickup a few minutes late - 6:05 and ran into ChaCha and Sarah -OUAL as they were in line for the bus.  I said the world's quickest hello and then begged the ladies at the packet pickup to give me my number.  I didn't get a race t-shirt, but I didn't want to push my luck by asking.

I got on the big yellow school bus and met two really cool ladies.  Mimi and I can't remember the second lady's name.  Mimi wanted to break 2 hours and I stalked her time later and saw that she ran a 1:55.  woo hoo!

As the race started I saw these two ridiculous ladies in front of me.  They were wearing matching lululemon tight booty shorts and sports bras.  For many unreasonable and cranky reasons, I wanted to smack them for wearing such ridiculous outfits.  I passed them with pleasure  (these two characters show up in the story later...dum dum dum...).   I also passed another skinny blonde girl in a $200 lululemon outfit as well.  Let me explain myself.  I love lululemon...their stuff is awesome.  I just want to beat everyone who wears it in races.  I'm probably just jealous :).

Mile 1:  6:36.  Whaattttt?  Totally downhill but I still must be insane.

Mile 3:  20:30ish

Mile 6.2....some sort of fake 10k PR....

Mile 10:  69:00.  I was running with the same group of people and trying to hang with them.
This is getting ridiculous.  I don't think I'm slow, but I know I'm not capable of clicking off 10 sub 7 miles with ease on a real course.  Unfortunately, reality set in relatively soon.

At mile 11, I got a side cramp.  Probably from the extreme jostling and cherry sports beans I'd been chomping on.  And from the ridiculous pace I started at.

I tried every technique in the book to get rid of the cramp.  Standing straighter, breathing deeper, even waving my hands over my head in the air.  It must have been a sight.

A good 8 women must have passed me.  The dude who I was talking to at the start passed me.  THE LULULEMON TWINS PASSED ME!!!!  NOoooooooo!  I was majorly demoralized.

I passed the race photographer around mile 12 and made a peace sign to him...posing.  I realized later, my race number on my sports bra was covered by my shirt and made it look like I was banditing.  Photo-man must have thought I was a nut.  

Anyways, the last two miles I ran were more like 8 minutes and I finished.  1:33:15.  Still a major PR but like I said, this was the fastest easiest course ever.

As I walked to the snack stand, a dude who I recognized from the race came up to me.  He said in a hilarious accent "Heeeyyy...what happened....you were with us the whole way and then it was like you stopped movvvinnngggg."  I know I know.  He finished in like 1:29.  

I saw Once Upon A Lime and ChaCha after the race too and they had both PR'd!  Congrats!

As I went to my car, I realized, I had no real idea where I had parked it.  I spent my last moments in Fontana searching the streets...wondering where I left my car...and my brain that morning.

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Appendix:

I hope you don't think I'm overly crabby from this post - I had a wonderful time in Fontana.
1) I am SO happy to have run this time - even on a cheat course like this.  
2) This race was run so well for a small half.  I'd recommend it to anyone!
3)  I've now got NYC qualifying which was my goal. 
3)  Those lululemon girls are probably really nice.  Maybe....