I'd like to preface this by saying that I'm aware that there are people in the world with MUCH greater problems than me right now. Unfortunately, this is the problem I am dealing with right now so it feels very central to my life and thoughts. Hopefully this won't be the focus of my blog for too much longer, but it may be. We'll see. So uh...sorry.
This week has been harder so far. More normal, but more real and emotionally harder. Guess I was just running on adrenaline last week.
What's Going Ok
The good news is that in about 82% of situations that have arisen in the past week, I have taken the high road. I've done a couple things that I'm sure I'll look back on and not be proud of, but I've tried to keep yelling, screaming, and revenge plots (beyond just in my head) to a minimum. The thing is, in a way it's selfish. Anything nutty I have already done has just made me feel bad in turn and anything decent I do makes me feel better.
I've also returned to some semblance of productivity at work. I'm maybe at 71%.
Some other good news is that I have moved all of my things out and have actually put in an application on a place to live in ORANGE COUNTY!!! Back to the burbs, my friends. I've tried LA twice now, and it's just not my favorite.
Getting ready for dinner every night at Macaroni Grill.
The reason why I found a place to live so fast is 1) I don't want to be a deadbeat with all of my stuff in plastic bags forever.... 2) I found some girl looking to move from a 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom who I really like. I felt "omg I hope I'm not misjudging you but I think we could be really good friends" like.
I didn't want to let her get away. So I told her "sure I'll live with you" after about 5 minutes of researching the place. Call me stupid, but for some reason it feels right and many of my best decisions in life have been made by trusting my gut.
The Bad News
I thought that getting my stuff out of my old apartment, getting off the lease, and filling out an application for a new place would make me feel better. Which it does, but it's also been surprisingly hard. The sad finality that I feel is unexpected. And it's a weird experience essentially evicting yourself.
The worst part about all of this, is that I've passed the "SCREW YOU I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH" phase and am now moving into the phase of "But remember all the good things...ahhhh what am I going to do without you?" part.
Or at least the "But remember all the good things....MARGOT CALL YOUR BEST FRIEND SHE WILL COMFORT YOU YOU NEED TO MOVE ON NAAHHHHH I am not LISTENING!!!!". This is the conversation I am having with myself.
It's much easier when you can think of people who hurt you as solely comic super-villains. But unfortunately that only exists in Batman cartoons.
Things are complicated and situations are complicated but I am just trying to take it all one day at a time and stay around people who I know to be stable, nice, and trustworthy. One thing I know about life is that no situation, no matter how bad or good, ever lasts forever. So I am just trying to wait this one out.