Hi there. I hope your first half of July was amazing.
Mine was...good? In case you were wondering if this is still a running blog, I ran a 10k as a tempo and ran it like a minute per mile off of my PR. Oops! So now I'm looking for a 10k redemption run to wipe that shame out of my mind. I also revived track party Tuesday mornings with SarahOual and it was glorious.
I've also been not running. Between my (gloriously hot and single!) roommate and myself, we have been exploring the online dating world. Some of the profiles we've seen and emails we've received have been a little...strange...(Not all! Some are lovely!). So here is Margot, Marissa and Laura's guide to the "Man-Profile".
Seven Highly Ineffective Habits of Online Daters
1) Name Time: When creating an online dating profile, one must choose a screen name. The problem is that it's pretty much impossible to have a cool sounding name. However, there are various ways to really go big or go home. If you really want to impress a girl:
A) Put something like "Doc" or "MD" or something otherwise braggy in your name. She will be impressed! The more brags you can fit in the better.
B) Turn her on with Sexual Innunendo. While a number of these have been spotted, I believe "phrankandbeanz" takes the cake.
2) The Tricker: How do you make yourself stand out in the sea of daters? Trick her. Email something like "Hey, I know I'm not in your age bracket but I wish you the best!" And then when she writes back to thank you, write "Soooo...how are you?". Gotcha!
3) The Ashamed: Here's the thing: you're much cooler than the other people on the site. I mean...it was your friend/mom/dog/cat who convinced you to get on it to began with, so it's important to make sure everyone knows how cool you are. Before writing anything about yourself in your profile, write a paragraph that says "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS. Let's say we met at the mall!" in about five different ways. Bonus points if your profile pictures feature you with a bunch of slutty looking girls.
4) Fancy Car (or Boat!) Guy: We get it, you want a down to earth girl who isn't materialistic. But you also have a kickass car! Worth TONS of money. And...people need to know this. Profile pic of car/boat instead of you? Check and check.
5) Never Accept Failure : If at first she does not respond, try try again. You just didn't try hard enough. Here's a good example: If your lady friend does not reply at your first attempt, send another email that says "looks are not everything". No response still? She's playing hard to get. Send another one that says "Welll....?".
6) Getting Your Foot In The Door: A few white lies are totally fine. You're 4 inches shorter than you'd like to be? Make up your height! You are a police officer but you think the girls you want won't like that? Say you're an architect. Clearly once you've met in person these tiny differences will pale in comparison to how charming you are.
7) Grammar is for losers: No need to bother with this when you say things like "your hot". In the words of Ross from Friends, "You're" is "you are" and Your spells YOUR. But does it really matter? Nah.
What are your favorite ways to impress the preferred sex? Anyone have any battle stories to share?
*No online daters were harmed in the creation of this blog post. As I mentioned, many people are lovely and do not brag about their cars or pretend to be seven feet tall.