Dang. And congrats.
An Argument For Sadness
Often we are told to be positive. That we'll be more productive, happier, more enjoyable people if we just focus on the positive. We should be thankful for what we have. "Don't be a downer."
I'm here to tell you that it's ok to be a downer.
It's ok to be frustrated. Or not feel like being thankful.
No matter how good our lives are, it's natural to have frustrations, sadness, and be scared at times. In fact, I'd argue that it's unnatural to pretend like those parts of us don't exist.
Maybe it's the constant connections to people straight up bragging through social media channels about their marriage / latest trip / promotion that makes it particularly unacceptable to not feel great about everything we do. Or maybe it's always been that way.
I think taking a step back from constant positivity can be healthy.
It's ok to not be 100% happy with where your career is. Or not be 100% happy in a relationship. Or want to not be single. Or just be annoyed that you're not running faster. Even someone with a great life has the right to not love everything about their life or themselves.
The past week or two, I've felt really scared and frustrated about some things. Nothing big honestly. I'm moving soon and this scares the crap out of me. I want a big hit project at work and I can't seem to develop one. And a few other things and thoughts that don't even make sense to me. Just growing pains I guess.
The beauty of feeling temporarily hopeless is that I feel like one of those goth kids at the mall, and I want to be one. I can stare at the wall for hours. Angry and sad music that I haven't listened to in years makes sense to me again.
Of course, this can end up being ridiculous as well. I'm still trying to be productive at work, but I really feel like turning around to my coworkers and being like "Hey dudes. Want to lay back and listen to Radiohead?". And if I smoked, I'd ask them if they wanted to take a cigarette break. And we'd bask in our lack of understanding of the world.
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The the best part about about being sad, is that it doesn't last forever. Nothing really does. I am sure in a week or two, I'll be back to normal: more focused, more able to plan workouts, more able to see all the bright spots and wonderful things and people in my life.
But until then, I'll be hanging out with Jeff Buckley in the most dramatic way possible. And that's ok too.
Totally. I have my ups and downs, even downs that make no sense. I usually beat myself up about having a 'down' and I (try) to hide it. Most people do I'm sure. It's refreshing to be honest about them and ride them out like the natural part of life that they are. Thanks for the post --
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome I'm really glad you enjoyed. :)
DeleteHigh five, man. This hits home big-time right now. I really do consider myself to be a hyper-positive person and I can pretty much always put a happy spin on things. But sometimes it's just good (and healthy? I don't know) to say "This all sucks" and wallow in that for a while.
ReplyDeleteYou're also right that it won't last forever. Maybe you'll be sad for an hour, maybe a month or two. But it'll pass, and until then yeah, feel however you want to feel.
I'm sorry you're going through some stuff right now, but I'm sure the move will go just fine and you'll be all perkified when you're ready.
Thanks lady. And high five back. It's ok for stuff to suck.
DeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteOn paper, things are really amazing for me. In my head, things are not so good. I'm unhappy with so many things but I feel such insane guilt about not being thankful for the things that I do have. Me and my silly first world problems.
Good luck to you :)
Just because problems are first world doesn't mean they aren't problems! Hugs.
DeleteWord. People can feel whatever they wanna feel - how they handle it is no one else's business.
ReplyDeleteword.
DeleteIf you get tired of the Jeff Buckley version, try the k.d. lang version...also pretty great.
ReplyDeleteEven though life is usually pretty good, I agree, sometimes the little things bring you down. And yes, that's ok. It is nice to hear that every once in awhile. Now go find your mood ring and see what colour it turns...
I checked out that version. Pretty nice. k. d's got a great voice.
DeleteThank you for this :)
ReplyDeleteUsually I'm the most positive person in a group, but not so much lately.
I've been in a funk all week, nothing overly big, just a bunch of little things. I'm having a hard time turning it around.
I think sometimes you just have to wait for things to turn around while making sure you're still doing all the things you love and spending time with the people you love.
DeleteAre you INSIDE of my head? I was drafting a post a lot like this to be published tmrw but yours is just so much better...
ReplyDeleteWrite yours too and let me know. I'd love to see your take.
DeleteYou are so right - I am the resident pessimist of my group of friends and family. Whenever they give me crap for it, I just tell them that if you expect the worst then no matter what happens, it will always be better than you thought.
ReplyDelete=)
In all seriousness, I have been feeling this way too lately. Lots of little things all happening at once and weighing on me. I hope you feel better soon - just remember, without the hatred where's the light, without the darkness, where's the love (Dave Matthews).
Good old Dave. :)
DeletePessimism has a place in our lives just like optimism. Although...in fairness, it's more fun to be happy. Hugs.
Please do not start shopping at Hot Topic :).
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I have from hot topic were these black webbed gloves. They were hot, don't deny it.
DeleteWow, that is one beautiful song. (Weirdly, I just heard this on our road trip with the kids--it was in Shrek, which they watched.)
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right that "over-positivity" is always fake, that these sorts of down times are normal and that you just have to live them to get to the other side. Which you will.
It is beautiful :). Actually there's another song from Shrek that I really like too. (not the counting crows one, although I like that too). It had an awesome soundtrack!
DeleteI know a lot of people feel like Facebook/Social Media is a big bragfest that makes others feel bad....but....I seriously look at Facebook and feel awesome all day. Because everyone else is ridiculous. Bragging a lot = I assume they are insecure, sucks for them. Saying how much they love their boyfriend = relationship trouble, if not now, soon (he should know by actions, not tweet). Etc, etc., point is, of course I am totally cool with being in a down mood, I love the feel of a good cry, but REMEMBER that YOU are awesome because you don't feel the need to brag all over the internet. That is the sign of a stable person.
ReplyDeletePoint 2: I sat in my dorm cubby hole when I was 18 and listened to Jeff Buckley (Grace, of course) over and over like a sap. I can't believe I'm older than him now...or his dead age. Still one of my top five fave artists, foreverrrrrrr
So funny you're a JB fan. I agree it's nuts that we're older than him when he died. Actually, at age 30, I'm old than a lot of famous people when they died. How's that for morose ;-).
DeleteI've been having a hard time lately letting myself be sad. You're right though, it is healthy. Pushing it down & away just makes for a big ugly mess later on. No good can come of it. I hope you can wallow for a while and work through things, then when you're done, step out with a new, refreshed perspective.
ReplyDeleteJust go with what feels right. Sounds ambiguous but true.
DeleteI think we get stuck with the idea that some feelings are "bad" or "wrong". I don't often put my 'downs' online because it makes me even more down if no one notices! Also I recently read a quote…Outlook becomes outcome. I'm working on being positive and up as much as I can. The last 8 months have really thrashed me and no end is in sight. Hope has been my oxygen mask, my iron lung, my defibrillator. I cling to hope with every ounce of my being because as you so wisely point out, nothing lasts forever. The shit has to end sometime, right?
ReplyDeleteI agree that sometimes you just have to pull yourself up and you can't mope forever. It does have to end sometime. One of my friends told me when I was 23 with respect to an awful thing at work: "Just remember. It can't last forever. Nothing does.".
DeleteAnd I put that in my pocket when things get tough. Hang in there.
You are the thinking person’s run blogger and I thank you for that. Just busted me out of non-commenting readership.
ReplyDeleteThat's incredibly flattering - thank you. And thank you for reading!
DeleteWill do. On a somewhat related note, I really admire your ability to do so much so consistently (or at least it seems that way on your blog).
ReplyDeleteThank you Margs for posting this! I hate that people think we should hide if we are having a crappy day or feeling down, life is not all butterflies and smiley faces! lol
ReplyDeleteIt is definitely okay to feel down. I am sorry you are having some down days and I hope that it gets better for you soon!
To people that don't know me, I'm one of those annoyingly positive people. But the people that know me well can read me like a book and know when I'm cranky! I don't tend to hide emotions (good or bad) very well, but venting and moving on is the best way to deal with the crap stuff!
ReplyDelete(oh, and I don't need to be down to listen to Jeff, or to Radiohead. Perfect music for almost any mood for me)
DeleteI'd like to have some insightful reply, but actually its just I love you. Because I was in a great place... And then it wasn't, and I am more down, blaah, etc...and I was feeling awful about not being happy, and covering it up. I needed your smart words to make me just think "yessssss someone else gets it with me". Wanna share my binge brownies since we don't smoke? ;)
ReplyDeleteI don't pay much attention to FB so I think that really helps me not get wrapped up in others "successes" (which I put in quotes because I'm sure lots are exaggerations of truth).
ReplyDeleteI think it's ok to feel sad - usually when I get a down feeling, I try to analyze the source of it. I usually figure it out pretty quick and then decide if I really should be sad about it or if it's not worth my time. Though this is something I've only recently mastered - probably in the last 3-4 years.
And Janae is ridiculous. I want to be her when I grow up. Except I'm nearly 10 years older so, probably not likely.
Agreed. I have a wonderful life, I am extremely lucky. However, last winter (nov-dec), I was pretty down and depressed. I had wrapped up a lot of things in November and I guess started to think more about what I was lacking. I feel bad calling it a "rough time," because my life isn't all that rough. But, having those worries/anxieties/frustrations, made me change and appreciate what I do have more and so on and so forth. I think there has to be sadness sometimes. It's only natural. Right?
ReplyDeleteHey Margs, I tagged you in my blogpost today!
ReplyDelete