Dang. And congrats.
An Argument For Sadness
Often we are told to be positive. That we'll be more productive, happier, more enjoyable people if we just focus on the positive. We should be thankful for what we have. "Don't be a downer."
I'm here to tell you that it's ok to be a downer.
It's ok to be frustrated. Or not feel like being thankful.
No matter how good our lives are, it's natural to have frustrations, sadness, and be scared at times. In fact, I'd argue that it's unnatural to pretend like those parts of us don't exist.
Maybe it's the constant connections to people straight up bragging through social media channels about their marriage / latest trip / promotion that makes it particularly unacceptable to not feel great about everything we do. Or maybe it's always been that way.
I think taking a step back from constant positivity can be healthy.
It's ok to not be 100% happy with where your career is. Or not be 100% happy in a relationship. Or want to not be single. Or just be annoyed that you're not running faster. Even someone with a great life has the right to not love everything about their life or themselves.
The past week or two, I've felt really scared and frustrated about some things. Nothing big honestly. I'm moving soon and this scares the crap out of me. I want a big hit project at work and I can't seem to develop one. And a few other things and thoughts that don't even make sense to me. Just growing pains I guess.
The beauty of feeling temporarily hopeless is that I feel like one of those goth kids at the mall, and I want to be one. I can stare at the wall for hours. Angry and sad music that I haven't listened to in years makes sense to me again.
Of course, this can end up being ridiculous as well. I'm still trying to be productive at work, but I really feel like turning around to my coworkers and being like "Hey dudes. Want to lay back and listen to Radiohead?". And if I smoked, I'd ask them if they wanted to take a cigarette break. And we'd bask in our lack of understanding of the world.
The the best part about about being sad, is that it doesn't last forever. Nothing really does. I am sure in a week or two, I'll be back to normal: more focused, more able to plan workouts, more able to see all the bright spots and wonderful things and people in my life.
But until then, I'll be hanging out with Jeff Buckley in the most dramatic way possible. And that's ok too.