Seven Highly Ineffective Habits of Online Daters

Hi there.  I hope your first half of July was amazing.

Mine was...good?  In case you were wondering if this is still a running blog, I ran a 10k as a tempo and ran it like a minute per mile off of my PR.  Oops!   So now I'm looking for a 10k redemption run to wipe that shame out of my mind.   I also revived track party Tuesday mornings with SarahOual and it was glorious.

I've also been not running.  Between my (gloriously hot and single!) roommate and myself, we have been exploring the online dating world.   Some of the profiles we've seen and emails we've received have been a little...strange...(Not all!  Some are lovely!).  So here is Margot, Marissa and Laura's guide to the "Man-Profile".

Seven Highly Ineffective Habits of Online Daters

1) Name Time: When creating an online dating profile, one must choose a screen name.    The problem is that it's pretty much impossible to have a cool sounding name.  However, there are various ways to really go big or go home.  If you really want to impress a girl:
A) Put something like "Doc" or "MD" or something otherwise braggy in your name.   She will be impressed!  The more brags you can fit in the better.
B) Turn her on with Sexual Innunendo.  While a number of these have been spotted, I believe "phrankandbeanz" takes the cake.

2)  The Tricker: How do you make yourself stand out in the sea of daters?  Trick her.  Email something like "Hey, I know I'm not in your age bracket but I wish you the best!"  And then when she writes back to thank you, write  "Soooo...how are you?".    Gotcha!

3) The Ashamed: Here's the thing:  you're much cooler than the other people on the site.  I mean...it was your friend/mom/dog/cat who convinced you to get on it to began with, so it's important to make sure everyone knows how cool you are.  Before writing anything about yourself in your profile, write a paragraph that says "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.  Let's say we met at the mall!" in about five different ways.  Bonus points if your profile pictures feature you with a bunch of slutty looking girls.   

4) Fancy Car (or Boat!) Guy: We get it, you want a down to earth girl who isn't materialistic.  But you also have a kickass car!  Worth TONS of money.  And...people need to know this.   Profile pic of car/boat instead of you?  Check and check.

5) Never Accept Failure :  If at first she does not respond, try try again.  You just didn't try hard enough.   Here's a good example:  If your lady friend does not reply at your first attempt, send another email that says "looks are not everything".  No response still?  She's playing hard to get.  Send another one that says "Welll....?".

6) Getting Your Foot In The Door:  A few white lies are totally fine.   You're 4 inches shorter than you'd like to be?  Make up your height!  You are a police officer but you think the girls you want won't like that?  Say you're an architect.  Clearly once you've met in person these tiny differences will pale in comparison to how charming you are.

7) Grammar is for losers:  No need to bother with this when you say things like "your hot".  In the words of Ross from Friends, "You're" is "you are" and Your spells YOUR.   But does it really matter?  Nah.

What are your favorite ways to impress the preferred sex?   Anyone have any battle stories to share?

*No online daters were harmed in the creation of this blog post.  As I mentioned, many people are lovely and do not brag about their cars or pretend to be seven feet tall. 

I'm still alive. In pictures.

Hi dudes.  I hope you're doing well.  I am doing....ok.  A LOT has happened in the past couple weeks so this post will just serve to update you.  You know...if you care.  (hi mom?).

1) I moved.  Back to Orange County!  I love the OC.   The good news is that my roommate is a lot of fun.  Also, she has a big dog.  Also, the place is probably the nicest place I've ever lived (that is not saying much but still).  And the view is great.

Also, the pool is great.  There goes my excuse for not doing a triathlon due to lack of water facilities!

I am excited to be back with my running friends in the OC as well!

2) Car:  I got a new one one!  Well ok I sort of got a new one.  My mom has had two cars for a while (since my dad passed away) and I finally convinced her to let me ship out car #2 from Virginia.  It's a 2002 but now I have automatic locks.  And no one can take that piece of beautiful automation from me!

3) A Promotion:  I also got one of these at work.  It was really great because it happened about ten days after my breakup and really helped me to get through the week.

4) A Nephew: One more thing I'm lucky enough to have!  My sister in law unexpectedly gave birth last week to a beautiful baby boy.  I think this anecdotally says how I feel:

To me, most baby pictures look the same (sorry parents.  Janae's baby is the one exception for me).  It's just not that exciting to me.  But when I saw the first picture of my nephew I thought, now that is ONE CUTE BABY.  I love him already!

I can't wait to travel to New York to meet little Theo.

5) Google:  I got to go to Google headquarters for work.  This feels silly to mention but I mean...I've always wanted to go.

You know what though?  They closed the cafeteria at 2 pm so I never got to eat dessert!  Sadz.  

6) Online Dating:  I'm on it as of this morning.  I've been trying to convince myself to do this for a couple weeks but the main impetus was finding out that yesterday (while at Google) my ex is now dating his lady friend from our relationship and not trying to hide it at all.  At first I didn't care and then I wanted to stab myself in the eye because I moved out THREE WEEKS AGO. But you know, I'll continue moving on I'm better off and all other things  blah blah blah (insert cliche even though I still want to still stab myself in the eye).

The most hilarious email I got via online dating today was someone looking for me to hook them up with an ecommerce job.  Imagine that conversation with HR if I tried to follow through:

"Where did you find this guy?  LinkedIn?"

"Nah man, Match."

7)  Running:  I'm getting back into workouts.  Sort of.  I think I'm going to run a 10k on the 4th of July as a fun run with friends!  Also, Mizuno sent me this beauty today:  It's the Wave Sayonara!   The Sayonara is a lightweight trainer with a slightly lower heel drop than a traditional shoe (10 mm).

It has a tall order to match up with the Wave Elixir that is being discontinued (and is my FAVORITE shoe ever).   But I am excited to try it out and run fast in it.   And it's hot, let's face it.

Now what will end up being hotter, my online dating prospects or my runs in the Wave Sayonara?  Well, you'll have to stay tuned.  The best is yet to come, my friends.

Well, at least The Most Ridiculous Stories Are Yet To Come.  That, I can promise you.

Online Dating, Playa?

I went on a morning run with SR and Pam on the Newport Back Bay Loop!  As annoyed as I always am to be up early in the morning, there's something beautiful about running super early.  And running with them makes my freaking day.  10ish miles!

Also, I was the proud recipient of some of Pam's famous gifts:  Lemon Bars and Gummi Bears!  To show my appreciation, here's a picture of the Gummi Bear army I made before they met their sad demise....

A moment of silence for the bears....

Did y'all see any pictures of Yoda, the world's ugliest dog?

"Owner Terry Schumacher of Hanford, California says the 2-pound dog has come a long way since she was found abandoned behind an apartment building. Schumacher says she first thought the pooch was a rat."

Awesome.  Honestly, I find the thing kind of cute. And I can totally see the Yoda resemblance!

And speaking of da dogz... I was driving home today and heard a radio program about the dating scene these days based on this article in the New Yorker. Online dating specifically.

It seems like there's three major sites: OkCupid, Match, and Eharmony.

I've only had brief and disastrous experiences with it in my single days.  My main experience involved making an OkCupid profile for spite when on a break with the ex at the time only to find a couple days later that I got matched with his friend.  A frantic call from a bar bathroom later, his friend swore silence on the dating matchup.  That was the day I learned that it's a small world and a jungle out there, even in LA... :)


When I've talked to my friends about online dating, I've found there are a few distinct categories of online dater:

1. The No Way Jose: Thinks online dating is kind of pathetic. Is ok with, and will be supportive of their friends doing it, but will secretly think it's kinda lame.
2. The Experimentalist: Open to it. Had a profile right after a breakup. Had some ok dates. Ya know...normal stuff...
3. The Playa: Likes to online date for personal entertainment and the funny stories.
4. The I WILL BE ON ALL SITES!!: On every freaking site in existance.  Match, EHarmony, JDate, IndianMatch...you name it, they are ON IT.  Has been online dating since before Al Gore invented the internet. 

So...have you...or would you (if you were single...come on...play along)...ever online dated?

Any horror or success stories you've heard?

If you met someone online who was perfect in all other ways, but owned five dogs that looked like Yoda the ugliest dog, and lived with them in a tiny apartment...Deal breaker?