I'd like to preface this by saying that I'm aware that there are people in the world with MUCH greater problems than me right now. Unfortunately, this is the problem I am dealing with right now so it feels very central to my life and thoughts. Hopefully this won't be the focus of my blog for too much longer, but it may be. We'll see. So uh...sorry.
This week has been harder so far. More normal, but more real and emotionally harder. Guess I was just running on adrenaline last week.
What's Going Ok
The good news is that in about 82% of situations that have arisen in the past week, I have taken the high road. I've done a couple things that I'm sure I'll look back on and not be proud of, but I've tried to keep yelling, screaming, and revenge plots (beyond just in my head) to a minimum. The thing is, in a way it's selfish. Anything nutty I have already done has just made me feel bad in turn and anything decent I do makes me feel better.
I've also returned to some semblance of productivity at work. I'm maybe at 71%.
Some other good news is that I have moved all of my things out and have actually put in an application on a place to live in ORANGE COUNTY!!! Back to the burbs, my friends. I've tried LA twice now, and it's just not my favorite.
Getting ready for dinner every night at Macaroni Grill.
The reason why I found a place to live so fast is 1) I don't want to be a deadbeat with all of my stuff in plastic bags forever.... 2) I found some girl looking to move from a 1 bedroom to a 2 bedroom who I really like. I felt "omg I hope I'm not misjudging you but I think we could be really good friends" like.
I didn't want to let her get away. So I told her "sure I'll live with you" after about 5 minutes of researching the place. Call me stupid, but for some reason it feels right and many of my best decisions in life have been made by trusting my gut.
The Bad News
I thought that getting my stuff out of my old apartment, getting off the lease, and filling out an application for a new place would make me feel better. Which it does, but it's also been surprisingly hard. The sad finality that I feel is unexpected. And it's a weird experience essentially evicting yourself.
The worst part about all of this, is that I've passed the "SCREW YOU I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH" phase and am now moving into the phase of "But remember all the good things...ahhhh what am I going to do without you?" part.
Or at least the "But remember all the good things....MARGOT CALL YOUR BEST FRIEND SHE WILL COMFORT YOU YOU NEED TO MOVE ON NAAHHHHH I am not LISTENING!!!!". This is the conversation I am having with myself.
It's much easier when you can think of people who hurt you as solely comic super-villains. But unfortunately that only exists in Batman cartoons.
Things are complicated and situations are complicated but I am just trying to take it all one day at a time and stay around people who I know to be stable, nice, and trustworthy. One thing I know about life is that no situation, no matter how bad or good, ever lasts forever. So I am just trying to wait this one out.
71% at work is pretty good, I must say. Thx for the reminder that nothing lasts forever! We should treasure the good things and get over the bad.
ReplyDeleteCall up your best friend. They always make you feel better.
ReplyDeleteSo true. And my best friend (and best friends. And family.) have been practically been saints for the past week. Seriously. I am going to owe them big big big time :)
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Love this post. You're gonna do just fine. Nothing some good girl time on a run can't fix in life, right?
ReplyDeleteYou get some good spam. Hope new roomie is just as awesome as she seems. Good luck with your move! I'm sure Sarah OUAL will be super happy to have you back too. I've come to the conclusion that (for me) cities are nice to visit, not to live in.
ReplyDeleteGiiiiiiiiirl don't apologize for venting on your blog.
ReplyDeleteI got out of a six-month relationship in February, for many of the reasons you listed here. My friends had to put up with my bellyaching for over a month. But none of my running partners liked him (and he is in my old running group -- yup, I had to leave the group after the breakup), and having them rattle off reasons why I was too good for him was VERY comforting.
Round up your homies, go out for dinner and drinks, and let your friends spoil you rotten. Even better if you have a "captain" who rallies the troops and is extremely adamant that he was THE WORST.
Accept every invitation to hang out with friends. Then open an online dating account, even if you don't plan on dating for a while. Having random guys hit on you, on- and off-line, is an ego-booster. And you'll meet a few dudes who are worth your time. You are one crushworthy bunny.
Good luck with the move. And like I said DON'T feel guilty about venting on your blog or to your friends. Breakups can be traumatic. And you know you'd move heaven and earth if any of your friends were going through a similar situation.
This is the worst part right now!! You are over the early adrenaline stage but it's still so fresh and raw and emotional. I think you just have to go through the motions for a while and then one day everything won't seem like a chore anymore. A tempurpedic mattress would also probably help :)
ReplyDeleteHi, Margot! As a fellow runner, (and I use that term loosely to describe myself), and a fellow Margot (with the T!!!... There aren't many of us out there!!... ) I love your blog, it's fun to read and I also follow Skinny Runner, so fun to read about what you two are up to. Have an awesome weekend!!!
ReplyDeleteMargot