Locking Down That Man in College

Have you guys heard about some Princeton Alumna named Susan Patton advising current students to "Find a Husband on Campus Before You Graduate"?    Basically Patton is arguing that when you are in an elite college, you're surrounded by people who are as smart and ambitious (and rich?) as you and so this is the best time to lock down a man.  Not a husband OR wife...just a husband. Because this was directed towards straight girls.

There has been a huge response to this, with many people saying "What the F" and then a number of others saying that she may actually have a point.

First and foremost I have no problem with the prioritization of relationships at any point in someone's life.  If someone really wants to find a mate at any point in their life, more power to them and best of luck in finding what they are looking for.   So that's not my issue with this.  Here are my issues:

Snottiest attitude ever!!  It seems that Patton is assuming that people at Princeton are the most desirable...period.   Forget things that student may really be looking for the most like sense of humor, being generous, humble, loving, etc. which are not exclusive to the school.   Or even wanting intelligence and ambition which believe it or not, exists outside of the Ivy league.  

Why was this just presented as an argument for girls?  Studies show that men who get married are happier and make more money than those who stay single  (I couldn't find the happiness study, but it exists..).   In the case of earnings women tend to earn more when they delay marriage or do not marry at all.   So if we're just focusing on shallow stuff like status already, why not focus on this earnings stat and encourage the men to find themselves a Princeton woman?

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Is every girl at Princeton both straight, and wanting to get married?   Seriously...you'd think after all this press about gay marriage, Patton would have remembered to include groups that won't be needed or wanting to lock down a man.

Friends and Networking: I 100% agree that college is more than about just classes.  And I would encourage any girl or guy going to college to make friends that are smart, ambitious, friendly, caring, loving, etc....that way they'll have a wonderful network of friends to have as a personal and professional support as they go through life.  And if one of those friends happens to be one they want to marry, wonderful.   If not, that's fine.

Do what you want, but if marriage is your only goal, don't take the spot of someone who actually cares about the education.  If someone is really coming to an Ivy league school with the main purpose of finding a spouse, I would argue that they should GTFO and give the spot to someone who cares about the education.  If you really just want to meet Princeton boys, live by the campus, hang out at the coffee house while wearing a cute sundress, and go to their frat parties.  I'm sure something will work out.

If you're not ready you're not ready.  When I was in college, I had a really wonderful boyfriend for about 2 years.  There was absolutely nothing wrong with him, he had a ton going for him and I am sure we could have gotten married afterwards.  But I wasn't ready.  I don't know why and I can't explain it, but it's true.  I know it's a jungle out there if you are dating the real world, but you can't rush feelings, and the ability to commit.

Become an engineer!  Ok this one is kind of a joke.  But if you want to be surrounded by a bunch of smart dudes in college, get in the engineering program.   The closer you get to completely male dominated disciplines like Electrical Engineering, the better.  I guarantee, at least 20% of the class will have a crush on you.   If you're lucky, you'll find your man in college.  If not, rest assured, you have the rest of your working life to be a minority surrounded by intelligent (although potentially nerdy) boys.  Hooray!

So.  Thoughts on the article?  Should I be sad I didn't lock down a Rice University man?

Hard Work Beats Talent?

You know Evan Jager?

Yeah...that gangly long-haired steeplechase dynamo who you know...holds the American Record in the 3000 meter Steeplechase.   Well this is what his twitter profile looks like (not that I'm stalking):

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard."

Hard to argue with that in his situation.  Although...I suppose it depends on the level of talent.  I feel pretty certain Shalane Flanagan could kick my butt in the mile even if she decided to stop running for 5 years and race me while doing the backwards crabwalk.

So maybe "Fairly talented/ hard work beats ridiculously talented when ridiculously talented doesn't work hard".  Doesn't have the same ring, does it?

Of course, there are some pretty crazy stories of what has happened to people who weren't at the top from day one:

 There's Ariana Hilborn who went from running her first marathon in 4:38 to getting an Olympic Trials "A" standard just a few years later.   Or Desi Davila who, while she was a high school standout, there was nothing in her 19:10 5000 meter college debut that indicated she would be an Olympian.   On a smaller scale, I get to watch many of my running friends run PR after PR and improve to run times that are truly great.

Amazing and inspiring stuff!   Obviously the product of crazy hard work and countless hours doing workouts.

But then I can think of my own anecdotes of the differences in talent in people:

Like during my high school track days where...honestly, it was just obvious who had more natural talent.  We all ran similar workouts.  As a high school mid-packer, there were people that would never ever beat me, and girls who I would never beat in a million years.  It wasn't that one person was working a lot harder than another....some people just seemed to benefit from the training or were just fast out of the gates from their first season.

source.  This is the cross country team from my high school 8 years after I graduated creepily taken off their website.  Because I don't have any pictures of my own team.  Go figure, no social media or digital cameras back in those days. 

People are different too in the amount that they see improvement.  I'm a decent runner out of the gate, but it's really hard for me to see major improvements.  Although who knows...maybe I'm just not working hard!  I certainly don't put in the miles that many others do.

This can be a sensitive topic.  You don't want to tell someone who has gotten really fast at running that they didn't work hard to get there, or assume that someone who trains hard but is near the back of the pack doesn't train hard at what they do.  

So here are my conclusions:
1) If there is room in your life to work harder, there is the capacity to improve, even if it's by a few seconds.
2) People are different in their natural talents, but also in their ability to reap benefits of hard work AND their capacity to train really hard without their bodies breaking down.
3) You can be fast and lazy, and slow and hard-working, but to be anywhere near the elite scene you must be both.
4) There is probably a great benefit in learning all the technical stuff like VO2 max and lactate threshold  etc etc to make training more effective.  Not that I've done this.
5)  Super Fast People:  Remember to count your blessings on the running front and not just hashtag how much you believe in yourself.  If you're near the front of the pack, it's likely a result of both hard work and talent.

So what do you think has the greatest part in being a successful runner?  Have you improved a lot through training over months / years?

The New Normal

When I was a kid, I would make up little lies when I'd talk to my friends.  Stuff that I thought would make me fit in, but that didn't really matter.

I remember telling my best friend in 3rd grade that after dinner every night we would eat a cake.

Because that's what I thought other families did.  I remember her being like "Really??  You eat a cake EVERY night?".  Then I backed out of my lie, saying it was only every now and then.  She accepted my change of story.  I was just trying to try to be "normal".

I also remember panicking when seeing the packaging for toilet paper at the grocery store.  They featured pictures of a lot of babies on them, usually laying on a roll of toilet paper to show how soft they were.  You know, the Angel Soft brand.  I thought, WTF is my family doing using this toilet paper for this disgusting purpose after we use the bathroom when really it's supposed to be a pillow for babies.

I figured, making pillows for babies....now that is what normal people would use this for.

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I was obviously an extremely gullible and awkward kid.

I'm not exactly sure why I always felt a little out of the loop.  I grew up mostly without a TV which I'm sure led to a little bit of the awkward feeling due to zero knowledge of pop culture of the time.  I am still confused when people bring up stuff like Saved By The Bell and other shows, although I've tried to watch reruns so that I can understand what people are talking about.

By the time I got to college, I realized this whole "making stuff up to fit in" technique didn't work that well.   I decided that I was going to say whatever I felt, at exactly the time that I felt it.  It actually worked pretty well.  I made a lot of friends that I feel truly close to.   There's nothing like a drunken conversation at 3 AM with a friend to pour your heart out.

The part that I struggle with now is adulthood.  You can't just run around saying exactly what you want as an adult.  I mean...assuming you want to have a job and a place to live.  Which I do.  In fact, I just wrote a post a couple weeks back telling people in their twenties to essentially control themselves and act mature and plan for shit.  Which tends to yield results.

But...in this moment, I feel frustrated.

Is it normal to feel frustrated?

It's hard to know because I feel like the real communication I used to have with people becomes more and more difficult as you get older.  I don't stop by a best-friend-at-work's desk just to shoot the shit and tell them about random stuff on my mind and listen to them because we both care too much about getting shit done at work to talk.

Because productivity gets you a lot more in life than talking about your feelings.   We have responsibilities.

I have no idea what people's romantic relationships are like because people are either 1) Married and in that secret contract where they don't really share details of their relationship anymore 2) Too busy or 3) More interested in telling you how fucking great brunch was on Instagram.

So it's hard to know if daily frustrations, struggles, and pure happiness you have are common.

It's hard to know if the random feelings of jealousy that I have when someone does something awesome are normal, or just make me an asshole.

It's hard to share things that are secrets that you're not proud of because maybe your friends would be mad.  Or think less of you.  And say that you're too old not to know better.

It's hard to know if you're just being an ungrateful asshole for being minorly dissatisfied with so many areas of life when in reality, you are so freaking lucky.

And of course...other feelings that I'm not willing to type on a public blog.   Because I'm embarrassed.  And I don't want you to think less of me.

I've heard that if you think you might be crazy, you're not.    Maybe that's true.   Maybe no matter how good you have it when tallying up random check marks on a sheet, we're sometimes going to feel a little directionless, scared about the future, and desperately hoping we're making the right choices.

I imagine these are normal feelings.  But who really knows.

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Fifty Shades of Confused

You guys...really?

I just finished 50 Shades of Grey and I am just about speechless.

This was 100 shades of bad, guys!   Terrible enough that I now feel awful for any author out there that is struggling to make it and to get published:  Forget what you learned in school about writing,  clearly all you needed to do to make it as a writer was to write a soft core porn about a nerdy virgin turned sex-bot.   I mean...duh... Right?

The first thing that struck me about the book is how terrible the writing is .... And this is coming from someone who enjoyed Twilight AND The Hunger Games!   My standards are low. 

In case you haven't gotten a chance to read this masterpiece, here are some amazing favorite quotes from the book:

"My inner goddess is jumping up and down, clapping its hands like a five year old"

"My Mouth goes dry and desire blooms in my body....whoa" 

"Oh my...sex in IHOP"

"Oh, crapola.  Don't get your panties in such a twist...and give me back mine". 

Actually these aren't my favorite quotes.  These are quotes that I found within 5 minutes of scanning some of the pages.  Gold, pure gold!  

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The Characters

The next thing that perplexes me are the characters.  Even the minor characters!   We've got Jose, the token Hispanic friend who exclaims things like "Dios Mio!" ( what is this, a Speedy Gonzales cartoon?) and Katherine who pretty much exists in the book to assure Ana how hot she is.  "Oh Ana you're so shy but you're so hot!".  etc. etc.   

Frankly, I'm hoping they both get killed off in a mysterious kidnapping in book 2.  

And then there are the main characters, Ana and Christian.

These two?

MAKE THEM STOP PLS PLS!

Ana seems nice enough but dude, who exists like this in real life?  I knew plenty of shy, studious types In college,  and I can't think of one who would have been up for an S&M sex slave relationship with an elusive billionaire in his late 20s with mental issues.   At least I think not.... Maybe I need to reevaluate what these folks were doing when they said they were "studying".

And then there is Christian.  Am I alone in thinking this dude is a nut-job?  

"Elusive billionaire enjoys causing pain to others in private."   

It's like Batman meets Jeffrey Dahmer!   I'm also kind of hoping that in book 2, Ana realizes that Christian has killed all of his ex-girlfriends and that she might be next.  Car chases and suspense ensue sort of like this:  

"Holy Moly!  I realized that Christian is right behind me with a knife ready to kill me...but he is SO HOT!  Maybe I should let him do this?!  Because he is SO HOT!   I looked at his expanding member and forgot that he is a serial killer.  TAKE ME NOW!".  

Maybe I need to write my own fan fiction?

I think the thing that confuses me the most, is that crappy sex-fiction has been around for years.  Why did everyone decide 50 Shades of Grey was better than the Fabio romances?  

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Maybe they are all kind of terrible in a fun way?

Or maybe a lot more people are into S&M literature than I thought?

Alright, 50 Shades of Grey fans...out with it.  What do you like about this book?  And does Christian end up pulling a Dexter on Ana in book 2?

The Glorious Art of the Humblebrag

Back in the late 80s, when I was making my way into Elementary School, I got into some new program in my school.   I was pumped.

A couple days later, I was playing with some friends while their parents were hanging out.  For some reason, I thought that was the perfect moment to let one of the little boys know how awesome I was.

"Oh yeah?  Well did you know how awesome I am?"  And I proceeded to brag my face off about my fabulous 7 year old academic opportunity.

I still remember the look in one of the parents eyes.  It was one of total disappointment and annoyance...because you know...it's really rude to brag.

Or.

At least it used to be!!!   

Fear not, childhood braggers like me, there is a new way to let people know how awesome you are!  It's called humble-bragging.

The good news is that it's easiest to humblebrag on social media.  Here are a few examples on how to get started:

1) The "I wasn't really trying": Sometimes, it's important to communicate that even though you weren't giving an activity 100% you still managed do better than everyone else.   It's a double win, because you get to both communicate that you could have done even better than you did, AND you get to assert superiority over the peons who competed against you.

Example:  "It's so crazy that I won that 10k even though I ran it as a training run?!  Can't wait to see what happens when I really try!".

2) The "So Blessed":  You don't need to be religious to use this one (In fact, if you are religious, it's sadly not as much of a humble brag).   The key is to use the guise of being thankful to brag about almost anything.  Be as creative as you want!

Example:  "Just got the most AMAZING Christmas present from my boyfriend!  He is going to take me to Hawaii! FIRST CLASS TICKETS TOO!  Hehe.  #soblessed  #sexyboyfriend  #ihaveaboyfriend #hawaii"

3) The "OMG why so much attention???" This humblebrag is one of my personal favorites.  It's perfect for communicating how hot other people think you are.  If you are creative in humblebragging, it can also be applicable when trying to show people how smart or popular you are as well.

Example:  "I just went out in sweatpants and no makeup and just got hit on by this hilarious guy while standing in line for my latte!  Hehe I should go out in sweatpants more often!"

4)  "So charitable I can't hold it in!"  This is when you want people to know what a great person are!    Especially worthwhile if you can provide a backhanded commentary on those who did not participate.

Example:  "At the amazing charity celebrity ball I organized!  It's crazy how many people are thanking me for what I've done and how awesome it is. Don't know why other people don't do this more! #overwhelmed #loveothers #loveyourself".

5) "I can't believe it":  This one works best if you're a celebrity.  But fear not, you can express disbelief at any minor achievement and tell everyone about it through a humblebrag!

Example:  "It's so crazy to be recognized on the street!  I'll never get over it.  Sometimes I'll just bump into someone and I want to say sorry but then they want a picture with me! "



These are just some examples on how to get started.  How do you like to humblebrag?

Bonus points for anyone who can combine all 5 types of humblebrag!

Marissa Mayer and Working From Home

I may be a little late to this, mostly because I've wondered whether it was appropriate to write an opinion on this topic.   But...I decided why not....

You've probably heard of Marissa Mayer, the CEO of Yahoo.  She made headlines when she was appointed the CEO of Yahoo, and more recently when it became public knowledge that she'd changed the "Yahoo working from home" policy.  She is also absurdly gorgeous, but I digress....

Jealouussss!

I found out about the Yahoo memo that will end working from home this Spring from a Facebook post of a friend of mine.  The post was something along the lines of "SHAME ON YOU MARISSA MAYER.  You are the worst ever and hate women trying to balance home and work."  

Whoa.

And then a multitude of other articles came out with a similar sentiment.   And...I don't get the vitriol.  I definitely feel for anyone who was working hard from home and now has to rearrange their life to come into the office, but the outcry has been more than from just people who work at Yahoo.   It's been everywhere and has ignited a whole work-from-home debate.

Here are my thoughts on the the topic.

1) Yahoo needs help.  

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Do you use Yahoo to search?  Yeah...me neither.  Also, according to Forbes the productivity of a Yahoo employee is around 40% of a Google employee and some Yahoo work from home employees rarely logged into their work computers from home.

Yikes.

So the company needs help.   Changes are needed.

2)  Double Standard?   I believe much of the outcry against Mayer has been because she is a woman and a mom, in addition to being a CEO.

For example, Best Buy did a similar change in policy for work from home lately and there hasn't been the same outcry.  Apparently Mayer was able to build a nursery next to her office, which additionally pissed people off.  But I mean...what else is new?   Since when did CEOs not get insane perks and get to do stuff the ordinary person can't?  (See Larry Ellison buying airline that will serve his Hawaiian island).

I really feel like the best thing Mayer can do for women, is to kick ass at her job, get Yahoo to be more successful, and show the world how great a female CEO in tech can be.

3)  Expectations:  My mind is blown by the amount of people who think coming into work should be optional when you have a job and are getting paid for it.  I mean sure, if you applied for the job with the understanding it would be a remote position and the policy changes THAT BLOWS and I'm sorry.  But, it's not unusual to see policies change over the years in companies, especially when there is abuse of the policy.

Maybe I'm just bitter because I can't work from home regularly.

4) How good YOU are at working from home:   I think a lot of the outcry is coming from people who are seeing themselves as a Yahoo employee, even if they are not.  Or those who think that Mayer's decision will change how other companies do things.

It's possible her change will cause other companies to follow suit, but I kinda of doubt it as it's not like this is some revolutionary policy that has never been thought of.  

I can see in a job that is pretty standard (recording medical billing, for example) where there is little reason to come into the office.  And I get the "I'm more productive from home" statement...because yeah...sometimes I am too.  But Marissa Mayer's policy change isn't a statement on what the whole world should do, just what she thinks is right for Yahoo.

5) It's hard to argue with teamwork:  Time for a running analogy:  I almost always run harder and faster when in a group.  This is why elites tend to have training partners.  We learn things from each other and become better athletes (employees?) and friends when we spend time together.  There is definite value to being around coworkers and building a team environment.

Soooo....What do you think about the work from home policy change?   Have you ever worked from home?  How did it go?   

I think I'm in the minority in how I feel here, so I would love to hear what you think!

Lucky Run Half Marathon Race Recap!

After running for the Surf City Half Marathon in early February as a training run, I searched for a reasonably priced, fun looking half marathon to run a little later so I'd have more time to train.

Enter....THE LUCKY RUN!!  

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It was in Davis, CA, which was not too inconvenient because Anthony's family lives nearby and he works close by during the week.  It's also at 8 AM which is awesomely late for a half marathon and has day-of packet pickup!  Even better, I found out that Page was registered.  I randomly emailed RoseRunner as well to see if she wanted to come out and run a few miles with me, and...she decided she would come out and run!  Awesome.

My training has been going decently, but I haven't really raced since July (not counting the crappy California International Marathon race), and I haven't been feeling confident at all.  The night before the race I was fantasizing about shutting down the blog, never racing again, etc etc.   Granted, I usually get really nervous / morose before races in general, but it's been worse than usual lately.  I also have been seriously questioning whether it makes sense for me to devote so much time to a hobby.   But, I figured there was no way I could duck out of the race the night before, with Page and Caitlin coming out.

The morning of, I woke up and drove out in Anthony's giant SUV out to Davis.  It was perfect weather for a race:  Sunny and Cool.  

The race is pretty small, so parking was easy.  Caitlin texted me and said she was 20 minutes away and I got my packet.  Before I knew it, I saw Caitlin and she yelled something like "Bunny!".  Honestly it was a funny experience because I'd imagined her to be like six feet tall...and she is totally not!   Normal height!   I told her I really wasn't feeling racing and was hoping we could just run 7:30s.  We lined up and then ran into Page!  (She actually is really tall!  Also surprising!).  It's always so funny to meet blog friends for the first time because I always feel like hugging and acting like we've known each other forever is totally appropriate.  I was really excited to meet Page because she was one of the first running blogs I ever read and very excited to meet Caitlin because come on...it's RoseRunner...

And we were off!  Surprisingly, I felt pretty good.

Mile 1:  7:25

Mile 2: 7:20

Mile 3: 7:19

For the first three miles, Page and RR were chatting like they were running 9 minute miles.  It was amazing!

Mile 4: 7:16

At this point, I started feeling a little mentally defeated.  I considered asking the girls if we could just run 8:30s.  Then I decided to suck it up.

Mile 5: 7:26

Mile 6: 7:21

Heyyoooo...halfway done!

Mile 7 : 7:18

Mile 8 : 7:17

At this point, Caitlin and Page stopped to use the bathroom.  I didn't wait up, figuring that both of those girls are so fast, they could catch up to me no problem.  And they did!

Mile 9: 7:20

Mile 10: 7:29

I hear the girls yelling at me from like 20 yards back.  I turn around and felt so relieved to see them!  I was really excited that they would be there to finish with me and we could push each other to the finish.   (ok...they would push me, not vice versa!).

Mile 11: 7:11

Roserunner starts putting the pace into high gear.  She says that none of us are getting 5 yards from her.  I try to keep up.

Mile 12: 7:10

Page says "Where the eff is the mile 12 marker??".  I grunt in agreement.  Words weren't really an option at this point for me.

Mile 13: 7:18

Page sprints ahead, and Roserunner loops back to finish with me.  Almost there!

Extra Point 1 - no idea.  My mile splits were pretty far from the mile markers and I forgot to stop my garmin anyways!

Final Time / Place:    1:36:47.  11th Female, 2nd in 30-34 age group.  
(of course I was really the 12th female because RR let me ahead of her by like .2 of a second).  
7:23 pace. 

After we caught our breath, we walked around together, pet Page's cute dog, drank small beer samples (Like 2 ounces, WHY SO SMALL???), and ate free powerbars.

And of course...took pictures:  (credit Page)

And more pictures...

(Roserunner and Page share the 3rd place in 25-29 AG prize!)

Final thoughts:  

Ok.  I know this is no PR.  BUT I am really happy with this race.  It was ridiculously fun and honestly kind of a privilege to run with such fast girls.  They were so encouraging and I thought it was hilarious that they were able to hold a conversation almost the whole race.  I know that I finished faster because they ran with me.  

I also felt like I might have had something left at the end and have felt pretty good post-race which isn't exactly a good thing when you race but it makes me hopeful for my future ability.  As I mentioned before, I have felt so down on running this year, and even one mile at my half marathon pace sounds fast to me.  So it felt good to run a respectable time (for me) and I now have hope that I might have a PR in my future if I work hard or get really.....lucky.